For The Time Well Spent

When I pulled up to the house, I heard the snow crunch under the wheels and watched the light from atop the lamppost illuminate the ground around it covered in white. All lights were off in the house, as usual. And also as usual, I returned home lonely, a bit chilled inside and memories reeling through my mind of which I'd experienced in and around the house. I looked up at their window, trying to completely understand that what was once my whole world lies in slumber just beyond that wall of glass and low blinds. One thing I will never be able to fully understand is how entirely circumstances can change within one life and how forcefully it affects that life.

It was then that I realized if I were to have more moments such as these, I would wish less for a way to warp time so as to go back and savor what I later realize I was given, perhaps I could take in that priceless gift and spend it more wisely, or not even so much as that, but if I were to pay closer attention to it's demise, I would have more closure and be more prepared for life's one promise to serve me yet another ration of its bitter sweet essence; change.

It's at night when you catch time lagging and you can then spend stolen moments understanding, respecting, loving and departing from what you've so hurriedly rushed through in a futile attempt to live as 'life'. I'm finding that those stolen moments sometimes come with a price. Sometimes that time sneaks in a handful of seconds for each minute to throw at you memories that seep down into your spirit and drive out tears, leaving you with the knowledge that as you sit satisfied in the night, those of whom you cast your thoughts and care upon age as they sleep, they will wake up older, further from what you wish and closer, if even only a few breaths, to their final sleep.

When it's black out, save this night and a few others where the light from the snow shines back to you impressing an ounce of hope upon your dimly lit soul, you can exist purely as a wondering ghost, looking over those you love, sending re-enforcements to the battle that claims their soul, wondering why so little choice has been granted to each of us, but hoping and minorly expecting good things for the family that has shaped your memory, your beliefs, your life and most importantly, postponed a death so premature to think upon it blows the winds of loss through the soul of any who dare carry such a thought. There are dark places in this life and it seems to me the darkest of all are nestled deep within our own minds. It is the mind that gives the heart a rival, but in the case that they act together, there is no stronger force. If that could be achieved in keeping sacred what is meant to be so, there would be a pieceof heaven here; a homunculous of eternal peace, if you will, resting forever within ourselves to share with those who are part of it